Four candles - 'andles for forks

Just wondering - it was my 33rd birthday the other day and four separate people gave me candles. Are candles the traditional gift for this age, like paper is the traditional present for your first wedding anniversary? (By the way the candles are all gorgeous - thank you very much!)

Not a fete worse than death

I've just been to Morden Hall Show, to experience the London version of a 'country show'. I had my doubts, probably because I've been to a lot of shows, but never one in London.

I was pleasantly surprised. It was a proper show, albeit smaller than a county show (which is probably a good thing as it means that you aren't forced to admire rows of shiny green tractors and combines). No horses, but pens with goats and sheep. Birds of various varieties, from turkeys to quail. In fact the sublime to the ridiculous - and both birds probably look better when cooked.

The craft tents were plentiful, even if rather overstocked with silver jewellery. The other year everyone was making cards. Looks like now silver jewellery is the new trend. There was a lot of food available - tho sadly overpriced - and I mean overpriced even by show standards, not by normal standards.

The weather was lovely too although I understand that is under the control of the fates, rather than fetes.

I twought I taw a puddy tat

Why is it that cats can not only tell if you dislike them, but can also sense if you are allergic to them? As a child I wasn't allergic to cats but now that I am, cats make a beeline (ok, make that a catnip line) for me. They will try to sit on my lap, rub against my legs, jump up on the furniture - all just so that they can be close to me. Is this pure sadism on their part? From the little I know about the way cats toy with their smaller victims, such as mice and birds, I suspect that they are merely viewing me as just another target. Albeit a larger one than usual.

The question is, how do they know that I am allergic to them? Is it some form of ESP? Is it the same way that dogs can tell when humans are going to have fits? In which case why do dogs use their powers for good and cats don't? Are cats simply untrainable?

Tangled truths

It is a truth universally acknowledged that if you get your iPod out to listen to on the Tube, the earphones will be tangled. You will then spend all the time that you intended to spend listening to your chosen music fiddling with tiny wires. Which will then somehow get themselves even more knotted than they were to start off with.

By the time the wires are untangled you have either reached your destination or have been so involved in your task that you have actually gone past your stop.

Either way, you now don't have the time to listen to the music that would have let you arrive looking like (and listening to the appropriate soundtrack for) the stylish person you want to show the world you are.

Going up in the World

I go climbing (theoretically) once a week. The theoretical part is because at the moment I keep coming up with excuses as bad as the ones I used at school to avoid PE. I'm not sure why I'm avoiding it. I actually like climbing. Admittedly I am rubbish at it. The visions I had of astounding people with my natural ability when I first decided to try it have not exactly been evidenced. I am a natural optimist. Kind of. I always hope to be brilliant at any new sport I try. Sadly climbing, is not something at which I naturally excel.

However I will continue to go to climbing, struggle my way up the walls (Spiderwoman I am not) and come back down replete with bruises, scuffed elbows and knees and grazes. Not to mention pulled muscles. So far I have never come back from climbing without bruises round my knees. My climbing partners don't understand this. Knees are not involved in climbing - except as the useful bending joint which enable you to go up in the world. Why mine end up the way they do is a complete mystery. I think I will worry less about the little purple circles and more about whether my knots are tight.

After all, when you are tied to a rope and all your weight is balanced on two little footholds, knots not knees are your priority.

Cold Cure

I think more of our office have colds than are still healthy.

Getting out of the lift it all sounds vaguely orchestral, even amusing. However when you walk in the door you are greeted by a chorus of sniffing and trumpeting as various people blow various noses (usually their own).

The person who brought the cold (such a thoughtful present) to the office is still saying how ill they feel. I think the rest of us are currently feeling too ill to form a lynching party, but I have noticed people knotting together their unused tissues to form a noose. It may take a while as the stocks of unused tissues are rapidly decreasing .

It could be worse - everyone could be off sick and I could be the only one in

Chicken Dippers

Now I know that Jamie (perfick) Oliver would be horrified, but I am rather fond of Chicken Dippers. I am not generally a fan of processed food, and when at school was never offered those loathed Turkey Twizzlers that everyone seems so shocked by.

Chicken Dippers are another story however. They are a comfort food, along with mashed potatoes and a portion of baked beans. I wonder if this means that I haven't actually progressed from a) my school dinners (which I did receive briefly before going on a diet of mother-made jam sandwiches for the next ten years) or b) from the meals that my mother used to cook. Either way I have nothing to complain about. I will happily eat carbonara or luncheonmeat (not Spam!) fritters.

Vegetables though are another story - don't get me started on swede...

Boris

I have just heard on the radio that the Labour party have a swear box so that if anyone refers to the Tory mayoral candidate as anything other than 'the Tory mayoral candidate' or Boris Johnson, they have to put £5 into the box. This is because calling him 'Boris' apparently humanises him. I was actually under the impression that Boris was human anyway, though I do have my doubts about Ken Livingstone...